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Numb



December, 2002
There was a saga’ tree in front of my grandma's house;
lush and a lot of red saga’s seeds scattered underneath
From a far this house looked like a Nirmala’s house,
and I imagined myself as a dwarf , looking for the treasure

Every morning, my grandma played the piano from a church hymn;
and humming for herself, the melody sneaking into the vent of my room
as an alarm for me wake up to the school
I prefer to enjoy the piano keys that she played,
Rather than fronded by her, because her stony eyes created the barrier 
 
December, 2015
I came back there, no more a church hymn
Just the sound of television echoed so strongly to the entire room,
and she sat in the rocking chair with empty eyes
I wanted to hug her, but the fortress has not collapsed
 
Car rusted in the garage
 
The floor was colder
 
And our family photos being mossy
 
The house was getting old , as I saw her wrinkles were getting more

December,2017
I doubt, should I come there again? 
I did not ready to feel the ineptness
but I missed playing like a dwarf under a saga tree

Yogyakarta, 03 December 2017


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